Making shared parenting work for you & your children
Dec 01, 2011 | Love Law
Post-separation shared parenting comes with a range of challenges. This article discusses some issues and tips associated with child custody / shared parenting law in Australia.
The process and aftermath of separation and divorce is often highly traumatic – not only for the separating couple, but also for their children.
From emotional functioning, to physical and mental wellbeing, to access to financial resources, the effects of separation and divorce on a child have the potential be wide-reaching and long-lasting.
Australian family law encourages parents to share responsibility for their children following separation, setting forth the presumption that equal parenting is in the best interests of both the child and the separating parents.
If you are separated or divorced and have children, some of this information may be of use to you in establishing a functional joint custodial relationship with your former spouse or partner.
Child Custody
Definition
According to popular online sources, child custody refers to the care, control, and maintenance of a child, which a court may award to one or both of the parents following a divorce or separation proceeding.
Joint custody is defined as a decision by the court in a divorce action (often upon agreement of the parents) that the parents will share custody of a child.
In Australia, the terms “child custody” and “joint custody”, while once used frequently, are now no longer encouraged in family law matters.
The legislation and judicial opinions indicate that phrases such as “parental responsibility” and “shared parenting” are preferred.
The Law
In Australia, issues relating to all children fall under the Family Law Act 1975 (Commonwealth).
On July 1, 2006, Australia's Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Act 2006 came into force, dramatically changing Australia's child custody / shared parenting law.
It placed an increased focus on the rights of children to have a meaningful relationship with both their parents and to be protected from harm.
The law also encouraged parents to equally share responsibility for their children, after separation.
Most critically, the law set forth a presumption that it is in the best interests of the child and for each of the child’s parents to have equal shared parental responsibility (source: International Family Law – www.international-divorce.com/australia_child_custody.htm)
Why shared parenting?
According to HelpGuide.org (a not-for-profit internet resource aimed at helping people overcome life’s challenges) children should recognise they are more important than the conflict that ended their parents’ marriage – and understand that their parents’ love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances.
The website states that children whose divorced parents have a successful, shared parenting relationship:
- Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, children adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and have better self-esteem.
- Benefit from consistency. Shared parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.
- Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
- Have a healthy example to follow. By co-operating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future.
The practicalities
Parenting Plans
According to Legal Aid Queensland, one practical approach to parenting after separation or divorce is to formulate a parenting plan.
A parenting plan is a written, signed and dated agreement between parents that sets out arrangements for the care of children. It is not legally enforceable unless it was registered with the Family Court of Australia before 14 January 2004.
You can make the plan that best suits you and your family. The law does not set out standard arrangements for children, as every family is different.
Parenting Orders
A legally enforceable parenting agreement is known as a parenting order.
According to Legal Aid Queensland, the court can make a parenting order about children, which sets out each person's responsibilities. An order can set out:
- where the children live
- the amount of time the children spend with each parent and other people
- how parental responsibility is to be shared by each parent
- if there are more than two people sharing parental responsibility, how each
- person will communicate with each other about these decisions
- communications between the children and other persons
- the maintenance of the children
- the process that is to be used if there are disagreements later about the content or operation of the order
- the process to be used to try and sort out any disagreement about the order
- before an application is made to the court to change the order
- any other relevant matter.
Parenting orders can be made through the court with the agreement of both parents (called consent orders), or the court can make an order after a trial or hearing.
Tips on shared parenting
HelpGuide.org has set out some tips to help ease the sometimes difficult process of sharing the parenting of your children post-separation / divorce.
The key to co-parenting, according to the site, is to focus on your children – and your children only.
This, of course, can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions – any anger, resentment, or hurt – must take a back seat to the needs of your children.
Setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex-spouse, but it’s also perhaps the most vital.
Shared parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.
Some tips:
- Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
- Stay child-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.
- Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.
The "other side"
While the law advocates a shared, 50-50 approach to post-divorce parenting, its effectiveness in providing children with a greater balance has been called into question in the public arena recently.
On November 9, 2011, The Courier-Mail newspaper published a story on its website entitled “Shared parenting for divorce couples 'harmful to children’”.
In the article, Family Court judge and Brisbane resident Tim Carmody branded the push towards shared parental responsibility "a failure", stating the Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Act 2006 was flawed because highly conflicted former partners never co-operated on decisions.
Where you can get help & advice
Legal Aid Queensland
For more information related directly to Family Law and children, visit Legal Aid Queensland’s website and click on Legal Information > Relationships & children:
www.legalaid.qld.gov.au
Family Relationship Centres
Family Relationship Centres provide information, dispute resolution and advice on parenting after separation. They are located all over Queensland – from the Gold Coast to Ipswich, Bundaberg and Mackay. For a full list visit the Legal Aid Queensland website (above) and click on Legal Information > Organisations.
The Shared Parenting Council
The Shared Parenting Council believes a presumption of equal time, notwithstanding the safety of children, is paramount.
Visit www.spca.org.au.
An Australian Legal Practitioner
Consult an Australian Legal Practitioner / divorce lawyer via Love Law's free online family law consultations to obtain legal advice for your unique situation.
This article is general information only and is not legal, medical or psychological advice. Consult an Australian Legal Practitioner via Love Law Legal Consultations to obtain legal advice for your unique situation.
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