The Emotional Cost of Divorce

By Philip Armstrong

Divorce rates as the second most stressful single event that a person can experience, with the death of a spouse rating number one. According to the Holmes and Rahe Life Stress Scale, marital separation rates as the third most stressful event, with the loss of a family member rating fourth.

Stress is accumulative, which means a person who is going through a divorce would already be experiencing extremely high levels of stress due to the initial separation. The subsequent divorce would add more than double the level of stress already experienced. These levels of stress, particularly when sustained over a period of months, impact on an individual’s physical and emotional health, which in turn can affect their ability to make rational decisions and use legal services efficiently.

What does this mean in relation to the cost (emotional and monetary) of a relationship breakup? Most people are generally  anxious when they seek legal advice as they worry about such concerns as financial security, assets and access to or care of children, to name only a few. The overall impact of all this stress is likely to mean that meetings with your lawyer may not be as productive as they could be if you were assisted in dealing with emotional issues.

To get the best value out of your meeting with your lawyer you need to be focused, rational and capable of working through a list of important points without going off on emotional tangents. Compare these requirements to the reality of being emotionally charged and having the need to emotionally vent and discuss personal issues with your lawyer, issues that you feel are important but which often have no bearing on the legal issues at hand.

Humans in these highly-charged emotional states can be assisted to digest and overcome the new issues. This process needs to be navigated in a controlled and supportive environment with a professional. Lawyers, although empathetic to clients’ needs and experiences, are not always trained to deal with emotional crises to ensure the best use of their time if clients are too emotionally charged to focus on legal issues. Just think, if you attend a session with your lawyer and it takes an hour for you to come down from your emotional high before you can start to talk about legal matters, what has that hour just cost you and what has the value of that hour been to you?

The best trained professionals in Australia to help you work through the emotional stress of a divorce are registered counsellors. Imagine if, as part of the legal service offered to you by your law firm, you could talk to a professionally registered counsellor prior to seeing the lawyer. Imagine if, in a few simple sessions, the counsellor was able to help you develop skills in how to focus on the legal issues and minimise emotionally-triggered responses and develop a personal plan for the future. At the same time, you would be assisted to develop skills in best practice for parenting, effective post-separation communication techniques with your ex-partner and other aspects of your life.

Not only would you be able to receive best value from your lawyer, but you would also be given a cost-effective service to help you deal with the emotional stressors associated with relationship breakdown. If counselling sessions were around half the hourly cost of a session with your lawyer, the financial benefits would be self-evident, not to mention the health and emotional benefits. Consider the advantages of a dual service that deals with your pre- and post-divorce emotional and legal issues in a cost-effective manner.

Philip Armstrong